


So Close

by cosmicchelc



Series: Whouffle & Whouffaldi One-Shots [28]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Sad Ending, implied whouffaldi, thirteenxclara if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicchelc/pseuds/cosmicchelc
Summary: Clara gets a distress call which has lead her to a fancy ball in a copy-cat Earth, though she finds someone that she didn't expect she'd see.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald
Series: Whouffle & Whouffaldi One-Shots [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/844854
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	So Close

**Author's Note:**

> Enchanted, by all means, is one of my favorite movies. The innocence that emanates from the movie bleeds through the screen and into my heart. Whenever I want to feel such innocence, I turn back to that movie. As it is getting a sequel, I was inspired to look back at it and remembered the dance between Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey. 
> 
> The tension that screams volumes—it's what I wanted to make myself. I've basically done this concept over and over again, just under different circumstances. I apologize for the repetitiveness—there's something about it that gives me hope when all feels wrong.

Clara looked up to the artificial night sky of a copy-cat of Earth, the fancy ball becoming too stuffy for her to bear. It wasn't necessarily her first desire to be there, but when trouble called for her, she was there for it. In a normal circumstance, years past, maybe she would have joined the people inside in their jovial celebration. Maybe eat a bit of the extravagant food—if she had a sense of appetite. 

Rather, she was there to stop something— _whatever it was_ , the signal wasn't very clear—and finish up her final hurrah. Go to the Timelords, get back to the proper time. Face the raven with the Doctor looking at her as she fell. Do what was needed of her because she was an anomaly, something that wasn't meant to be living.

How could the Doctor live like this, in such a constant immortality...it certainly was not satisfying. At first it was; seeming the galaxies beyond her reach. But she was alone after 100 years, with Me deciding that she needed a change of pace, seeing those wonders alone wasn't as entertaining. Yet Clara never had any companions, for she knew of the heartbreak that the Doctor had faced and she knew she probably couldn't handle it like he had done—especially if his reaction to her death could say anything about it. 

Though, just because she was there on business, it didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the view. Even for just a small moment. Clara dusted off specks from her dress, sighing. She brought the glass of...whatever the bartender had offered her to her lips. Drinking had no effect on her, as did sleeping, breathing (though she did it out of habit), eating, and most things that made life seem tangible.

"This isn't what I was expecting when you told us to get our best suits in order. Usually our exploits aren't like this." Someone said dryly a few feet behind her. Clara turned, seeing a group of four examining their environment, each wearing tuxedos. The other three looked human and judging by their reaction, they had never been to Terra before and were more likely following the woman in the front's lead. Though the woman in front, despite looking human as well, didn't seem like this was new to her. Perhaps one of those aliens in meat suits? "This is a lot more human, isn't it?" 

"Right, but I can afford to have nice things sometimes, Graham! Not everything has to be a perilous adventure. Welcome to Terra, gang! Essentially a copy-cat of Earth. We've landed at one of the most exquisite balls on the face of this planet." The blonde woman smiled, "Though just a few differences. Everyone here is an alien, that's one."

"It's quite...magnificent." The woman behind the blonde nodded, "It's like there's no air pollution at all in the sky; the stars are crystal clear."

"Terra did everything Earth wanted to do right." The blonde woman turned to her band of misfits, "Feel free to go around, enjoy the food; a lot of it is alright for the human body. I'm just here to check something, that's all. We were just lucky to come at a time during Terra's annual ball." So they were human.

"Checking something? Good or bad?" The final one in their group asked, crossing his arms. "A lot of the times that you decide to check something, it usually never goes well. Learned that already."

"I have to find out myself, Ryan. Now just enjoy yourselves and I'll let you know when things go wrong."

"You mean we'll find out anyway, even if you don't tell us." The other woman said. Graham and Ryan both chuckled at that and the blonde woman just shook her head.

"Alright, no need to point it out, Yaz. Like I said, this is my chance to try and let you lot enjoy yourselves. Are we alright with that?" The three nodded, "Brilliant!" The blonde woman motioned for them to come forward, entering through another entrance. Clara smiled softly, thinking of how if it was her and the Doctor, she would be in a similar situation. Him showing her the beauties of the planet and her in flabbergasted awe, wonders now in her memory. If she had half the mind, she'd say that the woman was similar to the Doctor. But that couldn't really be him. He'd never regenerate to a woman. Not after 13 men, no way.

Would...the Doctor do that?

Finishing the remnants of her drink, she stepped back inside, hoping that the individual who had sent out the distress signal would reveal themselves or the villain behind it all would. 

* * *

As the night dragged on—in Terra, time was much more lax than on Earth—Clara wasn't sure of what she was looking for. The partygoers continued to enjoy themselves and along the ride was the odd bunch of Graham, Ryan, and Yaz. Each of them seemed to find their own enjoyment within the party, scattered among the crowd.

"How come you're not enjoying the festivities?" Clara looked to her right, finding the strange woman from earlier that had brought those three peering to her. 

"I'm not one to enjoy it, really." Clara shrugged, "I've been to this ball a couple of times. Not my cup of tea, I'm more for adventure."

"Ah, same here. I'm what you call...a designated driver for my gang." The woman responded, "They're having their fun." 

"I can see that. It's that lot over there, right?" She pointed to the three and the woman nodded, "First time?" 

"For them, yeah. For me, not so much. More of a seasoned traveller myself." The woman smiled, the small talk not working for her. It was like it was her first time with small talk, trying to force a conversation that she really wanted. "What's your name?" 

Clara had used many names in the past, varying from different names she found fit with the time period she travelled to, names she had found cute, and names she wanted to forget. The list went on, varying so much that even as she planned to say something improvisational, she couldn't. Not under this woman's gaze; it felt like it was a sin to lie to her.

"Well, my name is Clara. Nothing really fancy." She shrugged, though the woman's eye twitched slightly in response. 

There was a pause, a moment in which the woman looked uncertain, like she didn't even know her name. She was going to lie; Clara was certain of it. Though, instead she said, "That's a good name."

"Thanks. Just saying it though, I'm assuming." Clara chuckled and the woman looked at her dead in the eye. The jovial tune seemed stripped from her expression and it seemed as though Clara's response was an insult to her.

"I'm not, trust me. Clara, Clara. It's a good name. Rolls off the tongue easily. It's my favorite, if I'm to be honest." Her tone turned reverent and for a moment, Clara swore she looked as though she had more to say about the topic. Her hand slipped into her pocket, almost to pull something, but she stopped and rested on her knee. Instead, she slipped to saying, "My name is uh...Jah - Jane! Jane Smm - Jane Smith. Yep. Me, Jane Smith. The one and only."

Clara knew she was lying. Jane Smith? Clara had lived too long of a life to not know liars and how to create her own lies. But if she had to wait for the terror that the distress signal claimed that was present, she might as well make conversation. Make a friend before the fray. "Nice to meet you. What are you doing on Terra? You don't seem as interested in the ball like me."

"No, not exactly. I wanted them a chance to breathe. We kind of got out of a sticky situation." Jane smiled at the memory for a moment, before looking back to her with intensity, "Do tell me about you. I don't mean to pry, but you're not breathing. You stopped breathing a few moments after I asked for your name. Now I know a lot of creatures that don't breathe, but not in human meat suits—too much work for the lot. Unless you aren't in one?"

"Oh. I uh...I'm a modified human." Clara said, racking her brain for one of the many stories she had in case Jane was to ask. Judging by Jane's mannerisms, it wouldn't be surprising that she would.

"Some of my greatest friends were modified humans." Jane mused, "What's your story, if you don't mind me asking?"

Clara had created so many situations in her reasoning for her condition, similarly to her names. Though, the more she looked at this woman, the more she felt like it was okay to tell the honest truth. Perhaps it was just because of her last hurrah or she was going barmy—she wasn't sure. Even as Jane was certainly lying about her name, she couldn't help but just speak like she was speaking to an old friend. "Do you know the Time Lords?"

Jane only shrugged, "Here and there, mostly fairytales."

"Right. Well, I travelled with this man. Wonderful guy." Clara allowed a small smile to grace her features, "He was a Time Lord. They have this technology where they could extract me from the exact moment of death."

"Those Time Lords? Are we talking about the same people here, doing that for your friend?" Jane sipped a drink that was nearby, then made a sour face. Clara giggled. Jane placed the glass back down and crossed her legs, tilting her head to the side. "Why'd they do that for him?"

"He...he could get out of situations with his mouth rather than with a weapon. Hell, talking was his weapon. He cared little for guns and destruction. Somehow, that man could talk down armies and come out unscathed." Clara reminisced, "In that case, he lied to them with information that they were interested in."

"So he took you out of your natural life and did this to you." Jane's tone turned bitter, almost as if she knew him personally. Clara raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe you've heard of him. The Doctor." The name, for all it meant, hadn't rolled off her tongue in so long. Jane tensed at the name, though bit her lip and chose not to comment for a moment.

"Never heard of the guy...Is that just his name? The Doctor?" Jane asked, though Clara knew she was lying. First her name, now the decision to pretend she never heard of the Doctor. Jane was definitely not Jane. 

"Indeed. I never knew of his real name. Not that I really cared much for it. He's a Doctor of people." Clara responded, playing her suspicions cool. 

"Clara, if I knew any better, I'd say that he's not much of a doctor. If he was a true doctor, he'd know not to take a human out of her natural death cycle. Doctors aren't meant to be involved like that, especially not to the degree you're telling me." Jane grasped onto the backing of the chair, knuckles turning white.

"It's not like that, Jane. I know it sounds like it, but I can understand it." Clara felt the rising need to protect him, even as he wasn't present and had been dead to her for so long, "He's a lonely man, lost so many people. In his eyes at the time, this was his way of trying to save something he knew he had the chance to. I know his previous companions didn't have the same chance, if not at all. Being a somewhat immortal being, I can see what he means. I haven't even had the slightest companion with me before, aside for one who is also immortal like I am."

"Why are you forgiving him? He doesn't deserve it, doesn't he?" Jane asked, "He's done more harm than good."

"He has. Though, when you think about it, it's a small price to pay for what I've been able to see." Clara's eyes shined as she looked to Jane, "I've seen wonders. I've done more than the average human from my time. He took me out of my life and made it better. Of course, it's easier to hate him. Easier to scowl and be frustrated but it achieves nothing."

"You're too kind. I'm sorry it happened to you. It wasn't that Doctor fellow's place to do that." Jane scowled, though quickly replaced it with a neutral expression.

"Don't be. I've had a great life. Filled with adventure, trying to do what the Doctor did for others when I can. Sometimes enjoy Space Vegas. Whatever the case." Clara looked away, tapping at the table absentmindedly. 

"For how long?"

"My life?" Jane nodded. "I lost count. Though my ship tells me I've been traveling for at least 500 or so years, something of that sort. Add the age that I was in...perhaps 529?"

"Goodness, Clara. Without a single companion?" Jane asked, eyebrows raised.

"Temporary ones that last as long as the adventure does, maybe even for a secondary adventure if I'm so inclined. I know better than to put myself and others through that grief. I've had to deny so many wonderful people the chance to see the stars, but it's something that cannot be helped. It's a lonely existence, but it's one I'd rather accept than watch my companions fall."

"That sounds like something the Doctor should do." Jane responded.

"Don't think of it like that. He's lived long than me. He hates endings, meanwhile I can handle endings to a degree. Plus, he's not one to express his feelings anyway." Clara laughed, the sound making way for a smile from Jane. "How stupid this was, it was just because he couldn't express those feelings."

"You think that's why he did it? For feelings?" Jane asked, "That's a very human thing for a Time Lord."

"I knew what he felt. Even if it was unspoken. Even if I'm wrong by all definitions, it's been a comforting thought."

"Really?" Jane seemed genuinely surprised by this, but remained poised and tried not to reveal too much of her internal feelings. Clara smirked, even if such thoughts brought her pain to her unmoving heart.

"He fought for me for four and a half billion years just to have a chance to save me. I don't know about you, but I'm not that important to fight in a torture chamber for that long of a period. Special as he could call me, he was an idiot for doing that. I've lived so long that I've realized that specialty doesn't matter when you're running from some alien creature that would like to see you on the ground. I was just a human he travelled with." Jane opened her mouth then closed it again. "He almost had the chance to even say it when I was to die. Maybe if I had let him, he would have let me go. Just if I had let him say—"

" _I love you_." Jane finished for her, tone far away from reality. " _I've always loved you._ "

"Right. Not sure about that last bit, but yes. Those three words." Clara laughed, "But it's a human concept, a human emotion. The Doctor, for all of his human companions, he could never say that for anybody properly."

"I don't know about you Clara, but I think you're pretty darn special for him to do that for you. I mean, pulling you out of your designated death. Going through the torture. I'm sure that when he picked you, he probably thought that, you, Clara Oswald, are worth the heartache. Worth everything that the universe could throw at him."

"That would be nice. Wait." She processed the words and looked to Jane in confusion, "I never told you my surname, how do you know that?"

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching our last moments of the ball. By voting appropriately, the ending song of the night is “So Close” by Jon McLaughlin.” The announcer said, "Please make your way onto the dance floor, getting that special person in your life."  
  
“Clara, I know I haven’t been truthful my entire time talking to you, but will you give me this chance to dance with you?” Jane extended a hand as she stood, the soft tunes of a piano filling the room. "I know it may be your last. My last."

Clara, for all her wit and cleverness, couldn’t say anything. Nothing that could get her out of the situation that she had found herself in, nothing that could bring her an explanation to what was coming to her senses. Her hand rose to the occasion, placing itself in Jane’s awaiting one. Jane lead Clara to the dance floor, holding her in the typical ballroom fashion. In all her years, the pieces were staring at her, but she just couldn't believe it. Her legs moved to Jane's rhythm, following her as she processed it all. It was times like these where a beating heart would be useful, as she would know that it was all real and she was so close to something she never knew she wanted so much until it was too late.

_You're in my arms and all the world is calm  
_ _The music playing on for only two  
So close together and when I'm with you  
So close to feeling alive..._

"You knew I was here. You knew that I was going to come here for my final hurrah, somehow." Clara surmised, tears coming to her eyes as Jane looked at her with a bittersweet smile. "You were going to call yourself 'John Smith' but you forgot you're a woman and had to call yourself Jane. You didn't want to talk about yourself and kept asking about me. And...and..." Jane moved Clara to a small twirl, Jane still saying nothing as Clara had her small epiphany.

_A life goes by, romantic dreams must die  
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew  
So close was waiting, waiting here with you...  
_

"You called me Clara Oswald. I haven't used that surname in so long, in all the years I've traveled, simply because it reminded me of back then." Clara laughed, the sound reverberating in her chest, "It's so...foreign. Not even Me tried to call me that because I threw it away. So if it is truly you, I need to know. Because, quite frankly, I could just be dreaming. I don't want to be dreaming but...I need to know. What was the last thing I ever said to you?" 

_And now, forever, I know  
All that I wanted to hold you so close,_

It was as if time stood still, the fire churning within her being creating chaos Clara was sure was enough to restart her heart. The pieces were together, it was just one more piece that Jane needed to offer her to finish it.

_So close to reaching  
_ _That famous happy end_  
Almost believing...

Jane stopped moving, holding Clara close. Clara shut her eyes shut; she couldn't look at Jane any longer. "In a blue dress and white apron, you said...stories are where memories go when they’re forgotten. Maybe some of them become songs."

Clara opened her eyes wide, staring up to Jane's knowing eyes. "Doctor...?"

" _Now you're beside me,_ " Jane sang to the tune, " _And look how far we've come. So far, we are...so close._ " She let out a low exhale, "Hello, **_my_ _Clara._** "

* * *

The musical bridge gave Clara ample opportunity to move her feet, grabbing onto Jane and running to the outdoors after such a revelation. Clara let go of Jane, pacing back and forth as the night sky stared back at them. "Is it really, truly _you_?"

Clara stared properly at Jane turned Doctor, the blonde hair was certainly a surprise. No, the woman part was. She knew she should have trusted her gut when she saw her with Yaz, Ryan, and Graham.

"Yeah. It's me, Clara." The Doctor said, "Just a little different."

"I must be dreaming. There's no way." Clara shook her head, "After 500 years?"

"Clara, I can assure you that there is no dreaming involved here. I sent the distress signal, knowing your TARDIS would pick up on it." The Doctor admitted, "Your TARDIS was able to follow my instructions and giving you this as your final hurrah rather than...well, anything you would have done."

"How do you remember me? I..." Clara was lost for words. The Doctor, noticing this, attempted to fill the unspoken questions.

"It was a gift, truly from an entity called Testimony. I'm fresh after the silver Scotsman, after I finally found the time." The Doctor laughed, "Time for a Time Lord—well, Time Lady—is so fleeting."

"We weren't supposed to be together again." Clara said, despite her initial shock, she knew it was her last chance to speak to him. 

"I know." The Doctor murmured.

"And yet you still did this."

"I know." 

"Why?" Clara asked, hands turning to fists. "Why do this to the both of us?"

"I don't know!" Jane exclaimed, "I...I'm not sure. I just felt...I felt like I needed to."

If Clara could let out a low exhale, she would. Rather, she looked to the Doctor with renewed vigor, "I need you to be honest with me, even if your first rule is to lie. Often by omission, but you can't do this to me, not right now. Did you mean it?"

"What I said? About feelings? I did." Okay, this Doctor was less about omission and more about direct strokes. Clara made note of that, even if it wasn't to mean much in the long run.

"So...you can say them back to me, right?" Clara asked, "If I'm going to walk onto Trap Street and die, I need to hear it. Not by some hypothetical. By you, Doctor."

Jane closed her eyes and exhaled, "I don't know if I can recall it all."

Never mind, the Doctor was still somewhat lying.

"Then don't recall it. As a final mercy, if you meant what you said earlier, you would be feeling it. You don't need to repeat it exactly, word for word. You know that's not what I meant." Clara said, "Tell me how you've felt, if it was all true." Jane took Clara's hand, bringing her to a nearby table. Taking a seat, Clara followed in suit, not sure where this was really going.

"Did you catch my wording earlier? Saying that I've _always loved you_?" Clara nodded numbly, "It's not wrong, that was no slip of the tongue. From everything that has been said, you've saved me more than I've ever thought I needed. You've been there since day one, Clara, even if it wasn't necessarily intentional at first. You chose to sacrifice your life, in more ways than one, for me and for the greater good. You brought me to my knees, forced my hand because I couldn't bare to see you go." At Clara's silence, the Doctor continued on. "There are not enough words in the English vocabulary to describe what I feel. But I am sorry that I was a coward."

"See, that wasn't so hard." Clara smiled, even as the confession weighed heavy in her. "Could have saved us the heartache. Though, you've done enough for this human. Don't break anymore laws for me."

"You know Clara, I would. I put you into that situation. I don't want you to go to Trap Street, I don't want you to face the Quantum Shade. If I could..."

"I know. It's okay." She took the Doctor's hand, rubbing the top with her thumb. The Doctor offered her a bittersweet smile, shaking her head.

"Even now, you're comforting me when it should truly be the other way around. You truly are a carer, aren't you, Clara?"

"That's what you had me for." Clara laughed, the sound being genuine this time. The Doctor kissed her hand.

"You know, it doesn't have to be a goodbye." The Doctor offered and Clara shook her head. Even as it was magnificent for their meeting to continue without the universe falling apart, Clara couldn't keep this fairytale alive. Prophecy or not, they were destructive for each other. 

"No, Doctor, don't begin. Don't make this last hurrah harder than it needs to be. Someone has to be the voice of reason in this relationship. We can't change what history is. I die on that street." Clara said, "Please, Doctor. Don't make me fall away from reason too."

"You've lived for 500 years and some, haven't you? Certainly the universe can afford me more. You've travelled for so long by yourself, Clara." The Doctor murmured, "If not for me, then for yourself."

"Doctor, don't make this sound like it's possible. It's not. You've moved on. You have new companions that you're not going to replace for me. No Doctor, you can't. People like us, we can't afford to be selfish." Clara held onto the Doctor's soft hand tightly, "I hate endings too. But I have to be the voice of reason. I'm sorry, Doctor."

"Clara..." In any world, any other situation, Clara would have probably taken her offer. But she was on borrowed time. Time that she didn't deserve, didn't need. "You're asking me to leave you?"

It was her last labor of love, the final choice that, by all means, was for the better of them both. Her final way of saving her. She chuckled internally, even now, when the interest lay with her, she still chose to save the Doctor first. Hardening such resolve that she didn't know that she had left after this strange yet endearing exchange, she nodded.

"Yes." Clara said breathlessly, closing her eyes. "Please, just go." She released her grip on the Doctor's hands, leaving the cold to envelope her.

"Is that an order, Clara?" The Doctor inquired, the chair scraping on the floor indicating that she stood.

"No. It's a request from a dying woman. A request from someone you love. If you love me as you say, then do it." Clara waited carefully for the footsteps, but they never came, not yet. Rather, she felt a soft kiss against her cheek from who she could only assume was the Doctor, giving in.

"If that is what you want. I will." The Doctor murmured into her ear, the wetness against her cheek enough to enforce that she would do what Clara had asked. " _I love you, Clara_." 

Her throat choked on words, but she could not say anything any further. Footsteps, albeit hesitant, left Clara by herself. Her own tears fell down her cheeks and as the time passed, she whispered words she wished she could say under better circumstances. 

" _I love you too, Doctor._ "

**Author's Note:**

> It ends in a way that I'm not happy with. But it's meant to be that way. Endings happen for a reason. :,) I hope you lot enjoyed, this may be the last Doctor Who fan fiction I do for awhile. Nonetheless, here is my last hurrah.


End file.
